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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Yoga Sadhana's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, August 2nd, 2008
6:08 pm
Day 40!
I can't believe I've reached day 40. Today I went to the noon vinyasa hour class, one of my favorites. I've had a nagging headache all day that simply will not go away, and unfortunately the pain intensified during class. However, the class felt wonderful for the rest of my body.

The instructor also read a beautiful passage about being versus struggling to attain. Desperately wanting to be a poet and eventually realizing that you are a poet all along. Wanting to be a lover and struggling through relationships only to realize that you are a lover. Wanting to be wise, and then realizing that despite all of your experiences and accomplishments, you've only really felt wise during a bedridden period when fighting cancer. The passage really resonated with me. Maybe I needed to hear that.
Friday, August 1st, 2008
8:53 pm
Day 39
As planned, I went to the 4:30 hour vinyasa class, taught by one of my new favorite instructors. She didn't disappoint. Even though we got off to a late start (in an hour class, every minute counts), I found the class very satisfying and challenging.

I really appreciate how she finds new ways for us to flow between poses, and sometimes the flow of the poses seems really spontaneous and organic. I really enjoy it.

I'm going to try to go to her class tomorrow at noon, for Day 40.
10:02 am
Day 39
I did not attend my usual Thursday night Power yoga class. I chose to hang out with my mom and family in from out of town instead. My mom really needs my support right now.

I have a certain instructor who always emphasizes how yoga should prepare you for "showtime" ....for the rough times when you need to keep it together the most. I'm trying to incorporate this thinking right now in my current state. I'm trying to not be too angry, but it's difficult. I feel really disappointed and let down. (Backstory: parents are getting a divorce....my siblings suspect infidelity on my father's behalf....I defend my father's name....I'm discovering a lot of coincidental evidence making it seem like my father is indeed having an affair). I think it might be harder for me b/c I'm pretty close and work with my dad.

I hope to get some yoga in today, my final day of this sadhana. I cannot make it to any classes as my work schedule doesn't allow it today.

As I stated before, I really feel like I've been benefiting from a consist practice, mentally and physically. I want to continue doing yoga at least 4-5 times a week after I am finished. I hope to do another sadhana soon as well.
Thursday, July 31st, 2008
7:33 pm
Day 38
It's Thursday. I normally go to an 8:00 Bikram class on Thursdays, but I'm on the heaviest day of my period and the thought of making it through a sweaty, intensive class when my body's just EXPELLING stuff...ugh, it's a no-go.

So I did some sun salutations and warrior, a variety of pigeons, and some sloooooow ab work. I'm happy with my choice.

Tomorrow, I get out of work at noon, so I have options for a 4:30 hour vinyasa class or a 6:00 bikram class. Hooray!

I'm also considering doing another 40-day sadhana when I finish this one. I've come to realize that this has really been about the process of physically getting into this practice. The next sadhana, whether I start it on "Day 41" or in a week or in a month or whatever...it's going to be about the mental practice.
10:12 am
DAY 38
I was able to break free during lunch for a 60 minute power yoga class. I was very thankful to get away. I've been so emotionally drained lately, it was exactly what I needed. Yoga has been my sanity lately....my parents are getting a divorce after 29 years of marriage. It's pretty strange to go through....and even though I'm 28, it doesn't make it any easier.
Wednesday, July 30th, 2008
8:48 pm
Day 36, Day 37
Yesterday, Tuesday July 29th, was Day 36. Did nary a lick of yoga; this is customary for Tuesdays because I'm out of the house from 8am to close to midnight, and when I get home I'm usually under the influence of wine and sultry summer nights. I refuse to feel bad about it.

Today, Wednesday July 30th, was Day 37. I woke up with a tension headache this morning (was clenching my jaw in my sleep, have been feeling really stressed and anxious lately) which lasted pretty much until well after I got home from work.

I did have a pretty good conversation with a co-worker about the benefits of yoga (she's very pregnant was saying how she missed doing downward dog but has trouble maneuvering that belly around). It was nice to actually talk to someone about yoga. I usually just practice yoga and post about it here, but I don't really have anyone to talk to about it. I don't have friends at the studio where i practice and I don't really feel comfortable talking to my instructors, as much as I love their classes. That's a little sad. I also am hesitant to talk about yoga with people who don't practice for fear of being one of those evangelical hippie-dippy yoga people that non-yoga people can find really annoying (or so I hear).

Anyway, it was nice to talk to my colleague about yoga. But enough talking and posting, time to get on the mat, at least for a little while. Probably just some Sun A and hip openers. I started my period this morning and am craving something gentle.

Current Mood: cranky
8:20 am
Day 37
Today I was able to convince my boyfriend to do a partner yoga DVD that I checked out of the library. It was actually really fun. We only did two sections of it, but had to go back through twice for each so that we could switch roles. The only slight problem we had was compensating for the difference in height and weight. We did get the hang of it after a while though.
Tuesday, July 29th, 2008
10:07 am
Day 32 - Thursday, July 24th - 30 min of yoga at home
Day 33 - Friday, July 25th - yoga body work at home
Day 34 - Saturday, July 26th - 75min power vinyasa class...very intense, but made me feel better since I was unable to attend class on Thursday.
Day 35 - Sunday, July 27th - yoga body work at home
Day 36 - Monday, July 28th - 90 minute power vinyasa class....I'm so glad I'm back to my normal work schedule this week. Last week was crazy doing two people's jobs and working 9-15 hour days. I was soooo happy/thankful to return to my favorite class last night. It felt so good to be away from the AC of the office and into a 90 degree room.

Along with practicing yoga everyday, I've still been doing my usual cross training and weight lifting. I'm feeling stronger than ever in my body. Not just in the past 36 days of this sadhana, but since I've been practicing yoga religiously (about 3-4 days per week since late February) I've really noticed a big change in myself mentally and spiritually. I feel much more confident lately and I've decided to make some big changes in my life. I've been so afraid to get away from my current job working for the family business...too complacent with the circumstances. So, I will be going back for my master's degree in the spring, and I really think I owe it to yoga for believing that I can do it.
Monday, July 28th, 2008
11:08 pm
Day 35
I almost, ALMOST didn't go to the 90min vinyasa class tonight. I've had terrible PMS and have been feeling anxious and my stomach was bothering me today, so when I got home from work I'd pretty much resigned myself to holing up at home.

Except I had an annoying encounter with my roommate which decided things: I could NOT stay in my apartment another minute. So I threw on my yoga clothes, hopped on my bike, and peddled off to the studio.

And I felt good. My stomach was still bothering me, which inhibited a lot of the practice, but it felt good to be in class, on the mat, sweating a ton. Also, I am enamored of my shoulder muscles--when I go through sun salutation A, my shoulders look HOT.

When you spend so much time and energy (or, rather, when I do) picking apart all the things that are "wrong" about the body, it's nice to look at a body part and be like "that's pretty hot."

I feel good, I'm really glad I went to class tonight. I'm still feeling anxious and upset about some things, but I'm dealing.

Current Mood: thirsty
Sunday, July 27th, 2008
8:48 pm
Day 34
Went to the 11am 90min vinyasa class at the yoga studio, taught by one of my new favorite instructors. What I like about her (vinyasa) classes is that she keeps us on our toes. Transitioning from Warrior 2 to half moon to standing splits to WHATEVER. It's fun and challenging and helps keep my mind focused. I appreciate that.

It was definitely a hot, challenging class, but it was fun, and that was largely through the positive, fun energy that the instructor brought. Oh, and also the music. Doing ab work to "Crazy In Love" and then hip openers (half pigeon and frog) to "Purple Rain." Love it. Hips and inner thighs are really tight (is it the bike riding? I'm doing less than I was doing last summer, and I'm doing more yoga than I was doing last summer, but my joints and muscles feel tighter this summer. Sigh.)

Anyway. Good times. I'm going to try to go to a vinyasa class tomorrow night too.

Current Mood: calm
Saturday, July 26th, 2008
10:49 pm
Day 33
So, I knew that I was meeting my friend for brunch today and that this would throw off my Saturday yoga routine. Usually I go to the noon hour vinyasa class at the studio and I really look forward to it. However, because of the brunch plans, I had to figure out what else I could do.

I set my alarm for 7. I figured that I'd try to go to the 8am Bikram class. This did not happen, too tired, slept till 9:30. Oh well, I missed the 8:00 Bikram, the 10:00 Bikram, and the noon vinyasa class, but I had a great time at brunch with my friend, and walked around and ran errands and sweated pretty much as much as if I was in a Bikram class! I also rode my bike to the lakefront, which felt great.

So tonight I did some sun salutations, runners stretches, and ab work. Tomorrow I was going to go to a huge yard sale, but I think I'll go to the 90min vinyasa class at 11:00, and then ride to the lake again. At least, that's the plan.

Current Mood: tired
Friday, July 25th, 2008
10:07 pm
Days 31 and 32
Yesterday, Friday, was Day 31. I was really, really tempted to skip class last night because I was tired, but I came home, ate a small snack, and then went to the 8:00 Bikram class that is taught by one of my favorite instructors.

I've been feeling really sore, achy, and tight. I don't know if it's because I've been sitting strangely at work, and then the A/C cranked up in my office, or if it's PMS (my breasts are also super tender), or if it's something more directly related to my body itself and less to do with extraneous, outside stuff.

Needless to say, I took it easy on myself during a lot of poses, but I stuck out the entire class and I'm glad that I went.

Today, Day 32...no yoga so far, mostly because I binged around dinnertime. My eating habits have become problematic, I'm really disgusted with myself. I feel off, emotionally, and I can't really put my finger on what it is, but clearly my eating habits are a reaction to some sort of stress or discontent. I can feel it.


Current Mood: uncomfortable
Thursday, July 24th, 2008
12:18 pm
Wednesday....Day 31
Well Tuesday I was unable to do any yoga....bummer.
Yesterday, Wednesday, I was able to break away during my lunch break to attend a 60 minute power vinyasa class.
I can't wait til this week is over...I have to miss another one of my favorite classes tonight due to working late :(
Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008
9:49 pm
Days 29 and 30
Tuesday was Day 29 and I did nary a lick of yoga. I was out of the house from 8am Tuesday till about 1am Wednesday morning. While I'm not opposed to doing yoga out of the house (like in a public park, which is where I was between 6pm and, say, midnight), yoga in a pencil skirt is nigh unto impossible.

Oh well. I had a great Tuesday, I'm not going to complain.

I was in a funk all day today; going bra shopping after work (I was down to one bra that is intact and supports) was just depressing. I was able to buy two new bras (thank goodness), but the fitting room was just depressing. I've gotten fatter, or at least it seems that way.

Which isn't super yoga-related, except it just put me in this funk of hopelessness. "What good will yoga do if you're already lardtastic ?" Ugh. I just need to pick myself up and go forward and not let the harsh lighting of the Macy's Intimate Apparel fitting room (and, y'know, my own body) get me down.

I did force myself onto my mat when I got home, before I made dinner. I did some chaturanga-down dog transitions, one after another after another. And some runners stretch. And some ab work. And some arm work with the resistance bands. Still. Ugh.

Current Mood: depressed
Monday, July 21st, 2008
10:35 pm
Day 28
Although I was feeling tired and gross, I dragged my sorry butt to the 7:00 90min vinyasa class at my studio. Another full class, but I'm finding that full classes no longer make me anxious or grossed out or claustrophobic. Terry, the instructor/owner, is so funny with his dry little quips.
Some observations:
-I've been sweating a ton, it seems, not just in class but when it's really hot and humid out. It feels gross, but I guess I should be glad that my body's working to get rid of toxins and cool down. I guess I'd rather sweat (when I'm working out and/or hot) than not, right?
-My crow is getting back to where it used to be, ie, I can pretty much go into it solidly and hold it comfortably. Not sure how I fell out of the groove, but I'm glad I'm back in it.
-Frog pose! I love frog pose, I know a lot of people groan about holding it for a couple of minutes, but I'd be happy to hang out in it for a while and let gravity do its thing. I remember years ago when I was first introduced to frog and it felt like torture--and now I love it! Maybe one day I'll feel that way about shoulder stand...and triangle...and warrior 1 and warrior 2 and warrior 3...haha!

I guess that's it for now. I can't believe that I'm already at day 28. Today I was thinking that when I'm done with the sadhana, I'd take a break from yoga, like a week or something like that. As great as I feel when I leave class, I feel like maybe a break would do me good. I can't really articulate it, and maybe it's a combination of the biking and the air conditioning, but I, for the most part, feel like my hips are getting worse and not better. Maybe I should see someone who does body work to see if they can't get into my hips and help me out because no matter what sort of attention I'm paying to my hips, they just seem to get tighter and more painful and I really feel like the right one is seriously out of wack.

Current Mood: thirsty
5:46 pm
I'm pretty bummed because I know I'm not going to be able to make it to most yoga classes this week since I have to work overtime at my job. This is when I need my yoga the most!

Monday night is my favorite 90 minute class too :( I will have to do a dvd tonight.
11:41 am
Friday - Day 26 - I was unable to fit yoga in today.

Saturday - Day 27 - I took a 75 minute power vinyasa class. As always, this instructor put me through the wringer! It was difficult, she always makes us hold the poses sooo long, but I'd probably never do it by myself.

Sunday - Day 28 - 90 minute power vinyasa class. I wanted to do the intermediate class later in the day, but decided I'd better get it out of the way in the morning. Good class, super packed studio.
Sunday, July 20th, 2008
3:45 pm
Days 25, 26, and 27
Friday was Day 25, and as I hoped, I got out of work early and went to a 90min Bikram class at the studio, which felt really good. It's been ridiculously humid lately, so I feel like I've been sweating a ton.

Yesterday, Saturday, was Day 26, and I was so tired from the week that I slept for twelve hours and was too tired to go to my usual noon hour vinyasa class. I did some arm work with my resistance bands, but that was it. It was a full day, so I don't feel too bad about not fitting in some yoga.

Today was Day 27, and I went to the 90min vinyasa class at the studio, which was vigorous. Good stuff.

Current Mood: thirsty
Friday, July 18th, 2008
8:57 am
Day 25
It took a lot of effort to make it to my 90 minute power vinyasa class....but by the end I was glad I made it.
I'm not looking forward to next week....it's going to be really difficult to fit in all the things I need to do since I'll be pulling double duty at the office with our secretary off. I also told my brother I'd go feed his cats while he's out of town next week as well. Should be interesting.
12:02 am
Day 24
Had originally planned to go into the yoga studio for a bikram class, but I ended up going to a free concert in the park downtown. That's the great thing about summer in Chicago, there's always fantastic free stuff to do outside.

So no yoga class tonight, I did some pigeon and ab work on the mat at home. Not much, admittedly. I should be getting out of work early tomorrow, so I'll catch a bikram class with one of my favorite instructors.

Current Mood: tired
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